Just memories of a different life.

It's 12.34 am on nye. I'm sitting in front of the computer with a ginger beer and some strawberries. Upon looking over old blogs from high school up until the end of hippoblogamus, i watched the breaking point of my mind and the slow regeneration into what i have become since then. In march 04 one post i am reading a text book while eating breakfast and commenting on my 90% on a chemistry test. 20 months later i sit here after failing chemistry, but i sit placid and i can cope with it now. A few months later there was the punching the wall incident after a fight with dad, that made a real mess of my knuckles at the time. Right up to all my comments of what happened each thursday night at flannies then my sober week. When i said i would go out more often and not drink because it was good knowing what was going on.

I even found an old poem i came up with in ony of my 2003 blogs... back in high school.

Ok, so it's not exactly propper poetry but i've never cared for propper layouts.


Rain precedes the rainbow true,
The colours shine right through the blue,
Rain is often; rainbow rare,
The hope for one is always there.
Although the colour’s becoming clear,
The rainbow isn’t getting near,
Soon as the rainbow seems so true,
It fades away to disappear.
The pot of gold, a fabled brew,
For all’s in the sky is rain so blue.

Foo Fighters - Friend of a Friend

he needs a quiet room
with a lock to keep him
in its just a quiet room
and hes there
he plays an old guitar
with a coin found by the phone
it was his friends guitar
that he played

hes never been in love
but he knows just what love is
he says nevermind
and no one speaks
he thinks he drinks too much
cause when he tells his two best friends
i think i drink too much
no one speaks
no one speaks
no one speaks

he plays an old guitar
with a coin found by the phone
it was his friends guitar
that he played
when he plays
no one speaks
no one speaks
when he plays
no one speaks


Well figured i'd keep with the trend and post some lyrics...

More importantly, yesterday was the most awesome day ever. We got to portsea beach at about 1.00 stayed there til about 3 getting beaten by waves for a while until we were absolutely stuffed. Then we went and got chips for lunch in sorrento then went to sorrento beach until about 6 and then got dinner at la porchetta sorrento (never again, they suck balls) and didnt get home until 9.30.

Though at sorrento i was persistant in getting to this giant rock because it was one of those things that if we made it to it would give me some satisfaction, but the tide was on its way in and the waves were getting bigger and bigger the further we got until one wiped me clean off of the plateau bounced off two rocks before gripping to the third one i hit and hung there until a break in waves. Got a shiner on my knee and a nice gash on my ankle. That was enough to tarnish our spirit and force us to retreat. We need to go again soon. It is so worth it. Hopefully next time the tide is low and we can get out to the other rockpools where my "washing machine" rock pool is. And make it to the giant rock that cleaned us out, just to compare how placid it is to walk across in low tide compared to yesterdays death-trap.

I can't believe it is new years eve eve and i have no plans for nye. hehe... it's nyee... we are the knights who say nyee. :P

Ignore that..

/clear

I can't believe it is nye tomoro and it's not being looked forward to like its an awesome beast of a night. I'm not sure who is going to matts, but i reckon everyone will go due to lack of anything else to do. But i don't think it will be awesome drunk like it could be. Like it was on boxing day. That was the best night in a long time.

We got drunk and played singstar for ages then went into the pool and played joust so-to-speak. With kate on my shoulders and amy on seans, we charged each other until we knocked each other over. It was so much fun, but the neighbours said something to mum about it, apparently they could hear the girls squeeling. In fact that could have been later on in the night ;) :P. Couldnt resist sorry. Anywho, the chaos on the way to Quix was quite funny too, sean put a nice hole in that wall and those trolleys were cool. But best of all the guy from quix who served us came into work on wednesday and laughed at me.

I've been having dreams lately, i'm not entirely sure what i've been dreaming of, but it's definately different from usual nights where i swear i don't dream. Most mornings i wake up now and think that was a weird dream but by the time i open my eyes i don't know what it was just that it was a weird dream or a pointless everyday life dream. I used to dream heaps as a kid. I always experienced alot of deja vu when i was about 10-14. Alot of things i could almost predict what was about to happen, but usually with silly things like when i got to the top of the hill i'd see a person walking a dog over the other side. My mum always told me my nana was psychic, every single time my nana has dreamt of a death in the family someone anounced they were pregnant within a month. I've been getting that deja vu sense a bit recently again, maybe it's because i'm dreaming again. But not in the same sense as i could remember what should happen next.

This year has passed by so fast, I don't know where time is going. It seems that the older you get, the quicker time goes. Maybe it's because a year is now only one nineteenth of my lifetime as apposed to when your 10 its one tenth of your life, seemingly twice as long a period of time. Thus that makes us almost halfway through our life already. Quite depressing really.


Bye Bye Miss American Pie

Homebrew smells funky as funk itself

Merry Christmas to all!

Once again my parents went overboard with christmas and spoilt us more than they should by far. Kevin got a small pool thing which is really weird looking as the best explination won't explain it (im lazy). But i got 17" Alloys... They are second hand, but still its fucked in the nutter expensive for them. I also have many a spare burnout tyre now... but i don't think i'll be doing that on the old rims since i can probably sell them.

I also started my homebrewing that was kevins(my) present to me. Man that stuff smells like ass when your putting all the shit in, i'm not entirely confident with how well it will work this time, i think i might have contaminated it, and yeast will cause any bacteria in it to spread like buggery. But hopefully we will have gotten the hang of it after the first trial and next time it will taste better... It only takes 4-7 days to ferment too (Y). So we can drink some on new years eve... Free beer from me to all. Or free fermented slop for all.

I reckon it will take 3 batches and perhaps ia helping hand next time so it isnt exposed to air for as long. Anywho i bid thee a jolly day and night on the aniversiry of the birth of our fictional messiah.

Racing and pacing and plotting the course

Yesterday was awesome! Go Karting! Everyone else must go go karting sometime... when i have money again. It was truly awesome, that is until one of my wheels came off and sent me off the track on one of the last bends. Was pretty cool still.

It was more cool because there was young kids in the not as fast cars and they also slowed down around corners heaps so we could overtake them on the outside while drifting. Its a must do, though it makes me want to have more racing in my car again. It's been so long.

We have to find out how much it costs to get onto the phillip island track and hoon around that. Hmmmm I'm looking up easternats details.


Ok can't figure out exactly what the deal is... it has $170 for an entrant which includes 1 entry and 1 mates rates pass... then it has mates rate passes $90 and it has $40 per day for the other 3 days for a normal price. I'm not sure if the $170 will get two people in or it means you get one person and the other person has to pay $90 and the other people who come have to pay $40 per day, gotta figure it out. Wether i actually drive in it or not. I'm definately going. It's cool as

So who wants to come to the Easternats?

The trouble with me, I've got a head full of fuck!

Homebrew ahoy!

After last nights double parma challenge, (which i may add i don't think i'll be doing again anytime soon due to the stomache pains i have given myself) myself and scott went back to one of scotts tafe freinds houses to drink his homebrew beer. Some of it was actually quite good (some not all :S). But it works out to be like $15 for approx $23 litres of beer.... aka 30 longnecks. Hey i could refill the giant grolsh! So me and scotty are going to start a homebrew thing going at my place if we can get hold of a 23 litre container. You can make all different kinds of beer by adding different things etc. The first one we tried was called a beverian _______ beer for some reason my brain keeps trying to put the word cream after beverian and its not that... so its a beverian blank beer for the moment. But that was a damn good beer.

Christmas is less than a week away and i still havent got my parents anything i was actually considering getting dad a homebrew thing, but i dont think he would bother doing it. It would be cool if he did then we could swap beers we make and see who made the best one etc. I do have a few idea's for mum but not entirely sure, I would have to get a few small things probably.

Hey the homebrew kit comes with a 30 Litre container (Y), and that beer was beverian lager, i just remembered.

HOMEBREW AHOY!

No bravery in your eyes anymore.

Name Five People That Know You the Best:
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.


Name Four Things That You Have Done Today:
1. Dragged vommit covered sheets of my bed
2. Went to work
3. Got KFC to try to recover
4. Put shopping away

Four Drinks You Regularly Drink:
1. Mountain Dew
2. Beer
3. Diet Lemonade
4. Diet Sunkist

First Grade Teacher's Name?: Unknown

Last Words You Said: "uuughh"

Last Song You Sang?: No Bravery - James Blunt

Last Person You Hugged?: Kate

Last Time You Said 'I Love You' And meant it?: *shrug*

What Colour Socks Are You Wearing?: White or grey, hard to tell by the light under the desk and i aint moved to find out.

What's Under Your Bed?: I'm not game to find out...

What Time Did You Wake Up Today?: 9:00am

Current Hair?: Yes

Current Clothes?: "My sexual preference is often" & black jeans

Current Annoyance?: Alcohol poisoning

Current Longing?: Not yet, maybe later

Current Desktop?: Not sure

Current Worry?: Chundering on the keyboard

Current Hate?: Hangovers

Favorite Physical Feature Of The Opposite Sex? Depends on which side i'm looking from. I think the smile and the eyes tell you everything.

Favorite Place To Be?: My car, When im just driving somewhere i feel like there is nothing else in the world sometimes, except cops :S

Least Favorite Place?: There is no such thing as bad place, it's the company that the place keeps. Possibly spider infested sheds are my least favourite place

Time You Wake Up In The Morning?: before noon, if i don't wake up in the morning then i wake up after noon.

If You Could Play An Instrument?: Guitar

Favorite Season?: Each season has it's own unique qualities.

Favorite Day?: Currently i'm liking mondays since we have volleyball and people seem toi usually do things on monday...

Where Would You Like To Go?: To the middle of the pacific ocean on a small boat.

Favorite Car?: 1969 Corvette Stringray

TAGGED

5 weird habits that I have:

1. Random 'quack' noises
2. 'autopilot' when i'm driving. ie. When im driving, my brain seemingly shuts down and i just drive. Often i drive to the wrong place because i'm so used to going there. Usually work when im going to bens or cranbourne or beyond.
3. Sometimes when i get a minor itch somewhere i think its a bug and try to kill it, often looking quite weird though i'm not sure if people notice that there was no bug.
4. Standing up while wiping my ass.
5. Dancing like a complete idiot when im drunk, quite elaborately.

Here are the rules: Write 5 weird habits you have on your blog. Then tag 3 other people to do the same on theirs. Let them know you tagged them too.
Tell them to read your blog for instructions...That's it...

Ez, Ben, Scotty you have been tagged!

The beauty of simplicity

I miss the simple life, ignorance really is bliss. The way i see it, the more you learn and the more you grow as a person you notice the flaws in everything and you overthink the consequences of all your actions and are therefore responsible for such actions. As a child you can do just about anything and nobody cares, there is a set school plan and you follow that and you have set things you have to do at home for pocket money. As you grow older you are thrown out into the open with so many paths to chose. Perhaps paths would be to simplify it too much, it's more like a membrane of life. A network of criss-crossing, overlapping paths where there is no indication of where each one leads until the choice is made. As a child you follow a dirt path, ocasionally you wander off into the bushes at the side of the path but your still heading in the same direction.

I still don't know where i'm going in life. I can't see me ever fitting into normal society. I find myself to be unlike anybody i have ever met. I don't want the world to see be because i don't think that they'd understand.

Link to fudgeys blog for IE users

There, now IE users can get to fudgeys blog from mine without the splash screen. It's more for me since i use mine for navigation. But others may also copy it to avoid nuisance.

Blargh

1. My username is Haggisman (blogger), due to the nickname haggis at school and most places i sign up for things haggis is taken but haggisman isnt and hippopotamus_apocalypse (hotmail) is because i despise junk mail and most automated spambots dont get my email address.
2. My journal is titled Blaze of Glory because when i started it i was obsessed with 'blaze of glory' by bon jovi. Also because it sounds cool for what is more or less my life story.
3. My subtitle is ____ because i dont do subtitles.
4. My friends page is non existant
5. My userpic is 'EH! Steve' because he is cool and strongbad is cool. And that's what i have on the back of my green week t-shirts.

James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Since no lines from this song seem an appropriate title for todays blog, I'll leave it at that. So it turns out i was one of the last people to discover this song, but if you don't have it... get it. Great song.

In other news, I read the readers digest version of a book last night. I am not entirely sure why, just part of my list of things i was going to start doing. To get myself back on track both mentally and physically. 'The empty chair' by Jeffery Deaver. It's the characters on which the movie "The bone collecter" was based on. This guy has a few books with them in it. Strangely i ended up awake til 3.45 and read the whole book. A good start I might say.

Does anyone else has little bruises on their forearms from volleyball? I can't think of any other sources of the bruising.

Ok i just spent ages trying to find a good little riddle from 'mindtrap' but none that seemed worthy and short enough to type here. So no riddle for you. Hmm no i need a propper riddle, propper riddles are cool. These aren't real riddles... *ponders*


Ok... i'm being forced to clean my room so i'll think of a riddle for another time

ANIMATION!!

CTRL ALT DEL ANIMATED SERIES!

Awesome to the maximum. It's a pain that they are making people pay for 4 min episodes once a month, but it looks totally awesome... rated 'L' L337, ALMOST PRON.

gotta go cos kate has to go to work and im there, might not finish as net at home has carked it

She likes pina coladas

Well i had the most half arsed pina coladas ever last night... Well the only pina coladas i've ever had actually... decided to go cheap and buy a bottle of 'bombora' which is like pov-ass malibu and add pineapple juice and call it a pina colada. Technically i need lemon juice and cream to top it off... but i dont like the idea of cream and lemon juice being combined... Despite failing chemistry i still know the citric acid in the lemon juice reacts with milk products to make something quite gross, as amy found out the hard way during truth or dare last night :D

Last night was our first volleyball game, not entirely sure why we joined a volleyball league but its fun and something somewhat energetic for me to do instead of sitting on my ass in front of a computer or dancing like a drunken idiot.

shit i start work at 2.15 not 2.30....

You trade your passion for glory

Well last night was interesting, if anything. By morning the only person left was fudge who isn't entirely sure how he got onto a chair and why he was sleeping in an arm chair. Despite the 'incident', the cracked window, scott spewing in seans car, the mystery drink and the hangoverness, last night was fun.

Last nights mystery drink consisted of at least 3 shooters of extra strength vodka, raspery cordial, diet lemonade, sparkling white shiraz and perhaps a shot of scotch, i'm not entirely sure... Was one of the worse ones i've made.

Fudgey passed out on the floor on his back during singstar. lol. we just left him there and got some maccas. I wish all that alcohol hadnt fried my brain, i'm not entirely sure what else happened.

The Baffled King

Sometimes, infact near all times; I have no idea who I am. I'm not sure who I'm trying to be let alone who I indeed am or appear to others. I try to hard to act tough, not tough in a typical sense, but rather emotionless when it comes to things I should be emotional about. I'm almost certain this is due to the history during childhood of being an easy target for bullies. I used to get really shaken up by what people said to me until about year 10 (I think it was). This was around about the point where I started standing up for myself and didn't take a shove and walk away. I stood my ground and I was left alone, until after school that day when I was ambushed by 10-15 people because i didnt take one guys shit. Got a few decent cuts on my face from the bastards ring too.

I think it was worth it.

Not because it stopped the bullying, it didn't. Not because they got in shit and I think the guy with the ring got suspended. It was worth it because in the years to follow i've learnt than life is like that. Almost everyone is a dick. Everyone (myself included) makes others feel worse about themselves in order to gain some kind of praise amongst peers or to make them feel superior.

It seems I may have trailed off on a tangent far from where I started.

Perhaps it isn't as far off course as I thought. I think I perhaps feel the way I do because I feel like there is a certain image that I feel compelled to portray. Though this is all old news, I don't want to fill someone else's idea of 'cool'. Although I think the other primary drive which makes us do things has a great impact on me. Attraction to the opposite sex.

Most people seem to see me as the kind of person who goes out looking to pick up, perhaps I give that impression because I'm always trying to make other people. I am not like that. But still unless the subject in question looks like those whales in bikini's that walked past us at the beach today, (dear lord why wear a bikini *shudder*) then i feel compulsed to talk to them. I swear there is no thoughts going beyond a conversation with them but there is always that instinct (or concept drilled into us from birth, either way) that steers us towards certain people. Perhaps it is this very feeling within myself that makes me so 'protective' as I tend to be.

It's funny how one day you can feel so close to someone and the next day they are no longer within your "monkeysphere". Eg. While I was kinda seeing Rachel for that week or so, it was perfect. Then after that night when she ditched me for Trav, I havent said more than two words to her since. Why is that? It was agreed upon that we could still be freinds, but because of Trav, that couldnt happen. Oh well it's in the past.

What attracts us to total strangers that don't have any obvious physically attractive features? Why do we feel attracted to someone who we know isn't the reddest rose in the bunch, and has more than enough thorns? Well i'm not sure if others find this too, maybe I'm just weird. But more often than not, I find the people who wouldnt ever be seen on the cover of a magazine more attractive than those who would, from the moment you see their smile or eyes or even just the way they talk. Am i strange?

Why do I have no motivation when it comes to things I need to learn for uni, but when it comes to things that isn't examinable I could spend hours reading them? Why do I feel like I know everything then when results are published I find out I didnt.

My results were published today.

I just failed chemistry, how dissapointing. It's deserved I know, because I didn't even alocate an eighth of my ass to the subject but still, I knew if i didnt do anything about learning it I would have to do it again next year, how depressing. I got a little less for astrophysics than I was hoping for, but I can't expect much more than that based on effort also. Physics was about what I expected, I would have liked to do better but AC theory was awful. However, "how science works" the core subject which is totally useless... I didnt only pass, I passed with a credit. This subject I didn't attend any lectures. The case study (which i found out during the exam) was genetics in plants. Since it was multiple choice i just decided, "If i was a geneticist, what would I call it?" or if all else fails choose C. Yay chemistry again!

As I decide at least 7 times a year, I am going to get my life back on track and as I say around 3 of those times, "I mean it this time". I am going to start going to the gym as soon as I can find some kind of gym that i can afford. I am going to cut down on take-away. I am going to devote certain times during the week to study. I am going to get another job over the holidays to get some cash saved. I am going to lose weight. I am going to cut back on drinking.

This has got the be the longest (logical) blog I have posted in a long time.

Until next time I feel like self discovery, keep scrolling past everything i say...